Walking into the little blue room. Taking off my coat/shoes/scarf. The digital scales being switched on. Heart pounding – has it gone up or down? This was at one point a twice weekly, then weekly routine in my life. The black number that flashed up above the grey background each week, in a way, determined … More A number that cannot define
There was a stage when I dismissed anyone who tried to help me. When my family and friends were getting worried about my changed eating patterns and weight loss (before I was diagnosed with an Eating Disorder), if anyone tried to have a conversation with me about it I would either nervously laugh and try … More What Changed?
It’s been quite a while since I put up a post on ‘Freedom and Hope’ but I’m back! Today I thought I’d share a poem I wrote about 2 years ago. At this stage I was doing better in my recovery journey, but still had a bit to go. I knew my illness was ruining … More Letter to ‘It’
‘You look well’. Three words I struggled with during Eating Disorder recovery. You see, someone saying, ‘You look well’ means it with the greatest of intentions. It’s like saying, ‘You look good; You look nice’ – why should that be insulting? For me, this was another way Anorexia fooled me. The thoughts twisted this phrase … More ‘Healthy’ is not an insult
Growing up, Christmas was one of my favourite times of the year. I loved the excitement of singing Christmas songs/carols, giving and getting presents, playing family games, and indeed, Christmas dinner. It was a time I felt happy, relaxed and loved being with my family and friends. However, in 2012, the year I was diagnosed … More Christmas with ‘It’
In my previous post I described the stages of my relationship with ‘It’ – otherwise known as Anorexia Nervosa, ‘Miss A.N.’ I focussed on the relationship between meeting her, her becoming a friend, and then her becoming an enemy and dictator. However, I said I would leave the part of the relationship where I was … More Mission ‘Escape from Miss A.N.’
Imagine having a friend who is constantly there for support, is happy for you when you do something ‘good’, encourages you to ‘keep going’ to reach your full potential. Sounds quite nice right? But then this friend changes. When you do something for her, she then just wants more. Her voice changes from sweet whispers … More A deceitful ‘friend’